Resolutions: Getting The Big Things Done
How to get past the roadblocks that stop you from moving forward.
A great idea. Something that you want to do. A goal you want to reach. A New Year’s resolution to complete. A personal change you want to make. Have you ever had a great idea that remains unfinished? What about taking steps towards a significant life change? How about restarting a project or a goal that you haven’t gotten off the ground? Why can’t you make it happen? What are the reasons you can’t follow through? How do you move forward?
Deconstructing Accomplishment
Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right. -Henry Ford
First of all, let’s deconstruct the process of accomplishment. At the most basic level, all decisions on doing anything start as binary choices. You either try or you don’t. Whether it is losing weight, learning a language, getting a new job, moving out of town, or going back to school, there is one guarantee in life — if you don’t try, it won’t happen. That much we know. For example, if you decide that you want to get into better physical shape but change nothing about your eating or exercising habits, it is guaranteed that you will remain the same and become depressed. We need say no more about not trying — it’s a given.
On the flip side is trying, getting that New Year’s resolution or any other goal off the ground. Continuing with our deconstruction exercise, there are three possible outcomes when you try to do something, you either succeed, you fail, or you are put on a new path by learning from your attempt. Since we know what happens when we don’t try, let’s spend some time talking about what happens when we do. Before we move forward though, it’s essential that we address upfront the number one reason people give up on their goals — it is due to unrealistic expectations. Go to any resale shop and look at all of the slightly used musical instruments for sale, the same is true for exercise equipment. People with good intentions buy an instrument or an exercise machine, work hard at it for six months or less and get frustrated because they are not seeing the progress that they desire. They give up, feel bad, sell their equipment, and move on to the next thing. This happens all of the time, and if it has continually happened to you, don’t feel bad, it’s not your fault, it is a product of the consumer society in which we live.
Get Real: Trade-In Instant Gratification For A Long Haul Mentality
Instant gratification is not soon enough. -Meryl Streep
Ever since the advertisers on Madison Avenue learned that selling the “sizzle” was an effective strategy to get you to buy stuff, we’ve been inundated with “lose weight fast,” “become a guitar rock star in 30 days,” and “get your MBA in six weeks” advertisements. As a consumer society, we have been unfairly programmed into believing that most things are easier than they really are. While the examples of weight loss or learning music are the classic examples, this same social programming creeps into everything that we do. Writing a good book is hard, changing your career is hard, finally moving to another city and starting over is hard, all major changes are hard. Instant gratification is rare and fleeting, but all of us want it. We’ve been unknowingly programmed into believing that the grass is greener and big changes are simple — we’ve become a ten-steps-to-success society, and it’s a cruel trick. Look at your own behavior, most of the stories that get your interest use the classic “Success in Five Steps” structure, or some variation, in their title.
The point is that before you make any decision to “go for it,” whatever it may be, be prepared for the long-haul. Having unrealistic expectations is the number one reason that we don’t follow through with the things that we want to accomplish, the good stuff doesn’t come easy, period.
So why can’t we follow through? Why can’t you accomplish the big goals? Psychologists from the Karolinska Institutet in Sweden have found that people give up or procrastinate on major changes or projects because they begin to feel that they are not going to achieve the results they want, are not going to receive results fast enough, or it’s just too hard to take the first step. Passion can counteract many of these issues, so if you’re not feeling the passion, it may not be the right time to set out on any journeys of change or accomplishment. All relationships are about passion and commitment, and big projects or big goals need to be seen in the same light — you can’t hope to take on change unless you’re passionately committed for the long haul.
Without Failure, There Is No Adventure
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena. -Theodore Roosevelt
What about the fear of failure? Something I learned a long time ago when it comes to fear of failure, if you don’t advertise, no one will know if you failed. The corollary to this is that even if someone does know that you’ve failed, they probably are more concerned with their own problems than yours. The point is that for some things, others don’t need to know. If you’re committed to writing a book and you quit your job to do so, then it’s a big deal if you fail, but if you keep your path private, no problem. I’ve known more than a few people who have moved out of town or have taken a new job just to come back to where they were in the first place, no one really cares after a few days. Failure as a social concept is way over-hyped. No one cares about your failures, and in most cases, other people respect you for trying — if they don’t, they shouldn’t be an important part of your life. The ones who haven’t failed never had an adventure, so don’t worry about it.
Learn From Everything
By seeking and blundering we learn. -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
If you have the passion or think you have the passion, you should go for it whatever it is that you are trying to do. It is a well-known fact that most people fear failure so much they don’t even start whatever it was that they were planning on doing. Even if things don’t work out, you’ll learn something along the way, you’ll grow as a person, and something positive may come out of it. Whether it’s learning a new language or totally changing your look, you’ll get a new story out of the adventure — sometimes failure can be reinterpreted as a learning experience. You live, you fail, you learn, it’s better than not trying and constantly second-guessing with a lifetime of “what-ifs”.
One thing that works for me — and I fail a lot — is to ask myself three questions when things don’t work out as I planned.
- What did I learn from the experience?
- How can I grow or help others from what I’ve learned?
- What positive things came out of my experience?
Often times nothing obviously positive has come from my failures, sometimes I end up in more debt and a little bummed out that my last move or idea failed. When this is the case you can either sit around and sulk or you can craft a decent story from the adventure. I’m pretty good at making fun of myself, so I’ve learned not to take myself too seriously. We’re all on a journey to find ourselves, and your failures and successes are all stops along the way — without failure, life has less texture. Smooth sailing gets boring.
Break It Down and Keep It Simple
This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness. -Dalai Lama
A number of studies have shown that people who break down large tasks into digestible chunks tend to get things done. Perhaps before you try a marathon you do a 5K, or before you move to the mountains you spend a few long vacations or excursions there first. Before you join a gym on January 1st, you should see if you actually can get off the couch first — or get a trial membership. Going to write a book? See if you can accomplish a chapter a week or a sentence a day first — it seems easy, but it may not be. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t aim high, if you’re really truly passionate, you’ll run right past the starting goals and will be thin, writing books, playing guitar, becoming financially independent, mountain climbing, and be on the path to that new life in no time.
I’m famous for going way overboard when I jump into the next thing that’s going to turn my life around. I’ll buy a new laptop, re-outfit my office, get new running shoes, purchase a piano, get new glasses, and buy all of the best books and software that I need before I fail in a spectacular fashion. All of this is indicative of the visions of grandeur trap that most of us, myself included, fall into. What I’ve learned over the years is that the perfect pencil doesn’t make you a better writer, the best shoes don’t motivate you to get up and run at 6 a.m. every morning, and funky cool glasses won’t make you a funky cool person. I know that you hate to read the following but it’s true, real change comes from within you, not from external things, you either have passion and commitment or you don’t.
Celebrate What You Have Accomplished
The best prophet of the future is the past. -Lord Byron
Just like the other articles you’ve read over the years, this one probably won’t make magic — big goals or changes in your life don’t come easy. Small steps can help, or the idea that changing just one habit or routine can help as well. The bottom line is that change is hard, but take comfort in knowing that you are not alone. All of us try, change, succeed, or fail. Sometimes it will feel like you can’t accomplish anything — don’t beat yourself up because it’s not true. If you look backward there are things that you can celebrate, unfortunately, what you’ve achieved in the past is often overlooked. When you look forward it’s important to look backward as well, look at where you’ve come from before you decide on where you’re going. We really can accomplish anything if we want it bad enough. Be real with your goals, take small steps, and go for it — you can do this.
