Is Being Who You Are Better Than Being Who You Want to Be?
Before you get started reading this, a bit of full disclosure to save yourself some time. If you are 100% comfortable with who you are, your life, your fitness, your aspirations, finances, etc., then there is no need to read on. If this is the case, you already are who you want to be and we are all happy for you, but everyone else, please read on.
For the rest of us, we need to take stock in who we are and begin to appreciate our own uniqueness. I’ve spent years wanting to be a better writer, more fit, more well known in my field, more advanced in my job, more stable financially, and just plain wanting to be a better person — whatever that means. The problem is that somewhere along the way I forgot to genuinely appreciate who I am, my quirks, my baggage, and all. We get beat up, beat down, criticized, passed over, forgotten about, left out, un-praised, and along the way, it’s easy to forget that there is a person of value within us. How we feel about ourselves is full of vulnerabilities, and it’s easy to second guess who you are, but the key is to not beat yourself up in a self-imposed race to become whoever it is you think you want to be.
When it comes to feeling good about yourself, consider that the cards are stacked against us. Ours is a society of celebrity with a big dose of “look at me” looming around every corner. Often we want to look a certain way and be one of the cool kids. We’re often fooled into believing that others are happier than us and doing things right while we struggle. We see ads where everyone is young fit and happy with the latest greatest hairstyle, clothing, retirement fund, relationship, and money in the bank. We’re continuously fed messages that paint normalcy as having the perfect family, the perfect friends, the ideal career, the perfect body, and the perfect home. The problem is that perfection is unattainable — and although we know this — we still beat ourselves up over and over again. We always want part of what the perceived perfect people have, for some, it is material goods, for others, it is relationships, stability, or simply credit where credit is due. We create messages in our heads, if I had this or could be that or could live there, I would be happy. We’re always comparing ourselves to others and forgetting to appreciate ourselves and what we’ve accomplished along the way.
If society’s messaging isn’t enough, the way that others treat you can also make your own self-perceptions worse. In a work, school, or home climate of one-upsmanship, it’s easy to feel left out, inadequate, or devalued. Not everyone is against you, and even though you hold on to the people who see the good in you, there are many more who you’ve never received a compliment from or any kind of recognition for the support you’ve provided. Years of being taken for granted, subtle put-downs, criticisms, or implications that you’re not good enough can take a toll. After long periods dominated by disapproval, it’s easy to not feel good about yourself, especially when the message has been reinforced over time.
We are social animals, we crave acceptance, and when we cannot accept ourselves, we often strive to be different than what we are. We’re compared to others, we compete for promotions, recognition, grades, and accomplishments — regardless of where one is at now, there is an inkling that we need to do more, like a treadmill of betterment that you can never get off of. We waste too much time and energy wanting to be different than who we are or having what we don’t, without appreciating who we are and what we already have.
We all have idiosyncrasies and qualities that we don’t like, but these are the things that make us unique. When we try too hard to be someone different, we lose what we had in the first place, and we lose a small part of ourselves. We’ve all known people who have tried too hard to be liked or have tried to change themselves into someone they could never be — they were trying to get others to love or appreciate them because they didn’t accept themselves. The truth is that our best friends take us for who we are, flaws and all, so instead of spending time on regrets and unattainable aspirations, we need to accept ourselves and appreciate others for who they are. Being your best self is about respecting and loving who you are and what you’ve accomplished. Being your best self is about appreciating others for who they are and relishing their unique qualities as well. It’s a simple formula.
Now that you’re here take a moment and think about your quirks, your obsessive behaviors, and any other qualities you see in yourself. Everything about you is unique — somethings may be annoying and others endearing, but the uniqueness is what your true friends signed up for. Sure, you’ll continue to want to be thinner, more together, cooler, more productive, and happier — especially in a society that promotes unrealistic role models but stop and appreciate who you are. Ignore feelings of inadequacy, because for those who know you and love you, who you are is better than who you want to be. Embrace yourself, your faults, your failures as well as your successes, and appreciate who you are because it’s right in front of you.
